You Don't Get Better With Age

There's a reason old people can't have kids and the reason is because they can't remember things! Ed and I would be the worst. We would probably forget we even had kids. We would be one of those couples who left their child in the back seat all day while they were at work. Ed is in court as I am writing this trying to stay out of jail for forgetting. He got a letter a couple of weeks ago in the mail telling him that if he didn't show up at court today they would issue a warrant for his arrest. Why? you ask would they want to arrest a sweet man like Ed? Well he had jury duty the month of March and he called in the first week, didn't have to serve. But he forgot to call in the rest of the month. A big no no I guess. Hence the letter from the judge. His only reason and defense is he is old and he forgot. On Wed. I got a call reminding me of an important church meeting on Thurs. nite 8:00 and I had the spiritual thought. Thursday nite at 8:40 I was washing dishes and I remembered the meeting. I never used to forget anything. The really sad thing is that that is not the first time I have forgotten that meeting. And I have no reason except that I'm old and I forgot. We live in our own little world of clothes left in the washer for days, doors left unlocked at night, lights left on all night - even the TV sometimes. A child would not survive in our little world. We can barely take care of Chessie the dog. Poor thing. Its a good thing she can't talk. The other day I came in the house and hollared and hollared for her and she wouldn't come. I shut the door and turned around and there she was, standing- in the house- looking at me like I was an idiot. I don't know whats going to happen to us, If you see us and we have name tags on - its so we can remember who we are. I'm not ready for the old folks home yet so as long as whats his name remembers who I am we'll be ok.

Tax Day

I know most of you younger readers love Tax Day as you go about frolicking and spending the big windfall you just received from Uncle Sam. But I am here to tell you that the frolicking will end someday as you have no more dependents to claim, no more babysitting to claim, all those wonderful little claims to claim. I guess I am sounding a little bitter as I send off a huge check to the IRS. Its not enough that they take hundreds out of each of our checks but come the end of the year we owe hundreds more. Why you might ask? An older "married couple" has to combine their income which throws you into a different tax bracket and then when your much older husband decides to collect his social security to add to that income it throws you into a way way way higher tax bracket. Our nice tax lady told us if we each contributed $6,000 dollars to an IRA we could reduce our payment by 1/3! Big deal. On top of all this our tax lady told us we might have to pay a penalty because we owe too much tax. Its interesting to see that our income stays the same but our taxes increase. It gives me such great comfort to know the IRS is the one who will be incharge of the Government Health Insurance plan. Some people think the goverment owes them a living. The rest of would gladly settle for a small tax refund.

Am I that Bad!

Everyone who has read my last blog has commented that they believed the story until they got to the part where I jumped out of the boat. You all thought I would make Ed jump out before I would jump. I am shocked! Just shocked!

Adventures on the High Seas

You know how Ed and I are always having some kind of an adventure in our lives. Well last fall I found out Ed had bought a boat. He is always buying things and not telling me and then I find out and everyone knew but me. After I found out, he kept telling me he was fixing up his new "boat". Me picturing a nice size fishing boat that all the family or at least some grandkids could go fishing in. So the other day I decided to go look at the new "boat". What a shock. Its a dingy- a small little tiny dingy. I told him I didn't think both of us could fit in it at the same time or that it would hold us. But last night he insisted that we take it out to Warden Lake for a "trial run". Fishing season is starting you know. I don't know how he talked me into it but off we went. He backed the boat & trailer down into the water so we could unload the boat (dingy). After we both got into the boat (dingy) I asked where the life jackets were and he said he hadn't had time to get any and besides we didn't need them because his boat (dingy) was safe as a cruise ship. He started the little motor and off we putted like a heard of turtles (as my dad used to say) till we got to the middle of the lake. I had been so busy watching the rising water level on the outside of the boat that I didn't notice the rising water on the inside of the boat. And Ed had been so busy fiddling with the boat motor that he hadn't noticed either. I felt my shoes getting wet and looked down. Panic swept over my face as I screamed "we're leaking"!!!!!! All we had was two diet pepsi cans so we dumped the soda out and started baling water while Ed started steering us back to shore. One note of advise here is that pop cans don't bale water very fast. I was worried because I know Ed can't swim well and I didn't think I could save him and me too. The water was freezing and we had sweaters and coats on. I don't do well in a panic situation and my voice rose 10 octives as I blamed Ed for everything from not having life jackets to buying a silly little boat that couldn't hold 2 normal size adults without leaking! I don't know whether it was the pidley little motor or the rising water that slowed us from getting closer to shore but I told him one of us was going to have to get out of the boat! We were about 20 feet from shore and I don't know why but I just stood up- closed my eyes plugged my nose and jumped. I went under and came up gasping - it was so freezing cold I thought my eyes would pop out of my head. Ed just sat there with a shocked look on his face. His face and my face became more shocked as I stood up. The water was only to my waist. So I grabbed the rope and pulled Ed and the dingy boat to shore. Nothing was said as he loaded the boat on the trailer and I sat shivering in the pick up. As we headed home Ed looked lovingly into my soggy wet eyes and said "Want to go on a cruise, honey?"
I hoped you all enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed telling it. The only truth in it is that he did by a dingy boat and it did leak the first time he & Michael took it out. I will never, and I repeat never - ride in it. Happy April Fools Day!